Of Human Approval and God’s Grace: You can’t change people, but YOU can change

Just recently I approached a certain minister in a Church with a view of understanding the church, its programs its various departments. I wanted also for him to guide me and be sort of a patron to my own blogging ministry. I don’t know whether it is the Holy Spirit who lead me to speak to him about it or it was just me and my aggressive personality that wanted just to share with anyone of my new found purpose in life. He was very polite and kind, very pleasant and homely when explaining about the church programs. I started by sharing that God had called me to teach His word through blogging and writing Bible Study work books. I shared on my passion of reaching out to people through blogging, doing Bible study teaching and the likes. He looked impressed and really encouraged me and commended me about it.
But when I started speaking about myself, my past, and my current single-mother Christian situation, I started noticing his ‘Christian prejudices’ coming up. Then the questions started, as in the name of trying to get to know me better. That’s when I began hearing the unsaid words between the said words. He was asking questions like, when did you get saved? And you have a daughter? Are you married? You were living together? So you are just there with your daughter? It must be such a joy… and that entire nice Christian things people say.
But my answers did not please him. You see I got saved quite early in my life at the age of 12 and I had grown up in a Christian background. I went to church on Sundays, went to brigades, church schools and every program in our church. I had been taught about Jesus all my life. I went n to high school and passively participated in C.U. I was the good girl, never got into trouble a lot not because I was all straight up but because I was smart about breaching the laws. I was a relatively good performer academically. In the University, I was a C.U. member and even at some time held a leadership position, and was a member of the intercessory prayer team. From the outside, I had a moderate Christian life. But what people didn’t know was that I lived a double life, I was hot and cold about everything including my Christian walk. In my private life, non-Christian things like alcohol, pre-marital sex, gossip, immodest dressing and other struggles ruled my life. So when I got pregnant in my last year of campus, my real life got exposed. I couldn’t play that ‘nice girl’ card anymore.
But here I was, only one and a half years later speaking of launching my Christian ministry. A not yet 24 single mother of one, wanted guidance on her ministry. Yeah right! You could feel it in his voice, in his tone and his demeanour. He was not comfortable. I left feeling condemned. I left feeling invalidated. I doubted whether really God lead me to speak with him. But more importantly I felt my calling questioned. Like who are you? What qualifies you to do this? Are you good enough? Have you repented well enough to be allowed back into the Christian fellowship? What makes you think you can teach anyone anything? You failed, you slipped, and you messed up! And it’s too soon to get back up. Stay down there for a while, long enough to make as see that you have paid for your sins and you have learnt your lesson. Those were the voices in my mind that evening as I went home.
Maybe he didn’t mean it that way. I can’t blame him anyway, maybe he doesn’t know better. Two hours later after that, I was convinced that he did mean to be condescending. He didn’t know any better. The Christian community in modern times is lost on how to integrate the Christians who fall and try to get back. “Mainstream churches had tried to address it by having a program for teaching that would allow you to fellowship again especially by taking communion. But modern churches rarely know how to deal with such situations. You see the problem is that sin requires repentance, but how do you know someone has repented well enough especially after being involved in the “major” sins like premarital sex, adultery, and misappropriation of funds and in some churches, taking alcohol and clubbing? The church today has no problem accepting the past sinner no matter how bad their story was along as they get saved and move ahead in salvation. Actually they love those conversion stories. But what about the Christian who had been saved but falls into sin?
That afternoon I struggled with these thoughts of condemnation, accusations that were putting me down. Then I received a revelation.....People will always have opinions and will hold beliefs and notions about you. Notions perceptions and opinions that are not based on the teaching of Jesus. You cannot do anything about them. A lot of Christians have been conditioned that way. But it is upon you to change your mind by the renewing power of the Word of God. If you allow God to change your mind, you will change in how you think and feel and these people’s perceptions, opinions and notions will not affect you.
You cannot change them, but you can change yourself such that whatever people say about you will not affect you, When people criticise you or they disapprove of you , your ideas, your work, your dreams.....if you are grounded in God, it won’t affect you. The only reason you feel the sting of peoples’ disapproval and criticism is because you still peg your confidence on approval by humans. If all you cared about was God’s opinion about you, then regardless of what people say, you would not be shaken.
Seeking human approval is dangerous. If they don’t you feel downcast, dejected and depressed. It affects your confidence and self –esteem. You feel not good enough, inadequate and worthless. You miss out on making your influence and touching the lives you would have. If you get the approval, you become proud and aggrogant. The praise from men makes you feel accepted, loved and valuable. It makes you think it’s all me, I achieved all this by myself. When pride and arrogance takes over, God opposes you and your downfall comes next. That’s the danger of seeking the approval of men rather than from God. You life is not a T.V show; God does not love you, bless you or relate to you in any way based on the ratings your life attracts. He loves you, cares for you, and approves of you all the same. It doesn’t matter how well you are performing....He loves you all the same.
Sin is the only thing that separates us from fellowship with God, but even then, while you are in sin, while you are in the thick of it, God still loves you. He loves us so much that 2015 years ago He sent Jesus to be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins so that even though we have fallen, when we sin, and we shall...we need not do anything but come to Him in repentance through Jesus,
That’s all. No more killing of your best lamb, ram, bull, doves or no more sacrifice of silver, no more paying of a penance. Just repent and ask for forgiveness. And just like that, you are back into good terms with God. That’s God’s grace for you.  And that’s all that matters.
From that moment I realized I needed to be firm in my faith, I can’t do what God called me to do if I look to gain the approval of people. But more importantly, if I myself do not affirm myself in God, the devil will always have grounds to tear me down. If I am not confident in whom I am in Christ, then I will get knocked over several times. Knowing who I am in Christ is the most important weapon against any attack by the devil and his agents. So Who Am I In CHRIST?